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That Yellow Mass Is Supposed to be Eggs

Real eggs; unlike what we had.

Life has a way of staying interesting.

The most recent way of staying interesting included an unplanned hospital stay. All is well; the issue was caught in time, but the impression of hospital "food" will last longer than the surgery scars.

Imagine, if you will, the scrumptious plates of food that come to mind when I say, "Scrambled eggs, ham steak, and breakfast potatoes." Sounds yummy, right? Especially after a long day of not eating real food, and only having clear liquid when that was allowed.

What came out had to have been worse than prison food. Not that I've ever had prison food, it's just what I thought of as soon as I took the topper off the plate to reveal: a coagulated yellow mass that resembled eggs only by being in the same color family, boiled potatoes, and a slab of something pink that must have been ham.

My kids cook better food. I'm trying to imagine what type of chicken lays eggs that scramble into yellowish sponges. The flavor left with the color.

The potatoes were actual potatoes. Somebody at least knows how to boil them. No salt. I added every packet of salt and pepper to the plate to make it somewhat palatable.

The pink ham slab wasn't too bad.

The mac and cheese for another meal was just the mac. We never did find where the cheese was.

At least the coffee was good. I have no idea what the coffee in the hospital kitchen tastes like. If the other food was any indication, I wouldn't get my hopes up.

But the coffee in the nourishment center was actually very good. That's the little station in between the nurses' stations that tired visitors can use to feel human again.

The coffee has to be instant by the way it is made: just squirt shots of it into a fresh styrofoam cup until the cup is just short of overflowing.

I subsisted on that yummy, instant hospital coffee more than the food from the kitchen.

At least the menu sounded good. Maybe they figure everyone is too doped up to care about flavor.

Food aside, the doctors and nurses were great. They took wonderful care of my little patient and me as we had an overnight stay. I have a high regard for nurses.

I can't imagine the messes they deal with everyday. Just listening to some of the noises coming from other patient rooms made me appreciate them more.

We tried hard to be patients they would enjoy having again, though we do our best to avoid hospitalizations.

As an aside, does anyone else get the impression that all the hospital care is free, but that cup of coffee in the waiting room will cost you $50,000? Maybe I was a little too tired and stressed when that thought crossed my mind--around 8 cups into the day.

It is sweet to be back home.


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