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"The lights are on, nobody's home." Kris is DJ-ing songs downstairs.
That particular refrain is a country song and can't really be sung as it is written in plain English; it has to have 56 extra vowels thrown in, and one must not hit the actual note at the first beat. One must slide up, down, or slightways to land at the right note eventually. The slip-sliding to notes and the extra, many extra, vowels will produce the Nashville sound... making music teachers nationwide cringe.
(Note: I made up the slightways word... making English teachers nationwide cringe.)
The country songs aren't really helping right now.
I suddenly realized today what I know are major contributing factors to the melancholy mood this week. Without knowing any of the science involved, I know anecdotally that I subconsciously feel significant dates (or anniversaries) are approaching before they even register in my brain.
Two significant dates are this week:
Today would have been my brother's thirtieth birthday. Jordan is celebrating in Heaven with other departed family members.
Tomorrow is the anniversary of losing our first baby 14 years ago by miscarriage.
Besides the normal stress of life and starting school today, this entire week has felt off. Just an underlying rumpling in my spirit that I couldn't explain until I saw the dates.
I'm not asking for a pity party; I don't want that. But my sister mentioned today that it's okay to be sad.
Sadness has a place in life just as well as joy.
I don't generally live in a place of sadness, but life itself will always be a blending of emotions that are all valid and okay if we keep them in the right perspective without using them destructively.
Emotions shouldn't drive decisions, but they do flavor life.
Maybe visiting Jordan's grave and having a good cry will help. Maybe I need a good cry over the children we didn't get to raise.
Yes, it's okay to be sad sometimes.
School started today. Kal and Kara packed their backpacks and lunches last night on their own accord. They were up early and into today's duds in record time. I love seeing them excited.
The school drop-off line was a mess. About 4 times as long as a normal first day. It was backed up several streets away.
We've worked out a smooth drop-off line routine: recite the Lord's Prayer to acknowledge the Lord at the start of the day, then kisses at the second turn of the drive so they can hop when we stop. No holding up the line of cars behind us.
They both like their teachers. That's good. Life is hard otherwise.
Kal looks civilized again after visiting Miss Jenna's hair clippers. She's wonderful.
Tomorrow is another long day of alteration appointments, but life at the shop is punctuated by moments such as what happened today.
A bride was brought to tears of joy and relief when she saw that her dress, which started with seemingly impossible problems to fix, was fitting her to a tee and made her look fabulous.
Moments like that make me want to cry, too, from joy.
Pass the Kleenexes. *Sniff*