Parenting has taken all I have lately. I thought I would be such a terrific mom before I was one. And, to some degree, I fooled myself with that idea when my babies were just that.
Once the mouths turned on, and didn't have a pause/stop button, I seem to have become a different person.
The truth is, I'm not a different person, I'm just now being tested and tried in ways I wasn't when my children were babies. Each stage in parenting has shown that, and I have no doubt will continue to do so.
My mettle is being tried. E-learning is the current testing ground for one child; games, screens, and being cooped up at home is the testing ground for another child.
Anger, frustration, tears. All the ways I never intended to behave as a parent, maddeningly, are what is there at times.
I love my children dearly, so why do I struggle with being the opposite of what I want to be at times?
All through this, I'm aware that I'm the adult in the testing ground situations, and I have to set a good example for my children.
Each day is a new opportunity to pray and lean on Jesus for strength. I simply don't have it in me all the time to be who I want to be all by myself.
Just now, I went to check on both of them--because I'm awake in the middle of the night after fall asleep for several hours--and they both look so peaceful.
All the problems of the day fade away when I look at my sleeping babies. How could I possibly be angry with them?
I'm glad the mercies of the Lord are new every morning; I need them. Each new day is a fresh start. I tell my children that.
I hope they believe it someday.